Sibling Fights

Anil's kids play at Anna's house
while their mother sweeps and swabs the floors

One morning, Anil, our major domo, regaled us with stories of how his kids are constantly fighting. He was looking at Sanjiv to give him some advice. Advice on how to prevent kids from fighting. From an only child??!! Nah! That was not going to be any good, so I shoo-ed Sanjiv away and told Anil, "Brothers and sisters will fight all their lives. There is no solution."

I further told him that siblings will fight well into adulthood. Actually, they never end. Some turn violent (ref our Mughal kings), some result in siblings not talking for years (like Anna and Padukaka), some are yelling matches, some involve a truckload of backbiting.

Being philosophical, I tell him that sibling fights happen in all households. All households have stories of legendary fights. Here is the most famous one from Anna's childhood. Anna was not personally involved in this one, but it is so ingrained in my brain with his childhood, that I simply have to tell it. One that we still mention and laugh about at large family gatherings.

Photo Courtesy: Nordic Store Iceland

When Anna's brothers (Padukaka and Krishnakaka) were quite young, perhaps in their early teens, a relative gifted the boys a muffler (woolen scarf). One may naturally ask, "Why would someone gift a solitary muffler to two boys?", and "Why would someone gift a muffler to children who stay in a town where the temperature ranges from ~24°C to ~38°C?" No one really knows the answer to these questions other than that some well meaning adult gave a woolen muffler as a gift, with love and affection.

That love and affection was not felt by the brothers. The issue that rose between the 2 brothers was not when would they wear the muffler, but who had ownership of the muffler. They fought over it for days. Each one claiming right based on any reason that they thought was a strong reason. Padukaka thought he should get it because he was older. Krishnakaka thought he should get it because he was younger. All types of criteria were used - height, weight, how well they did in school tests, who could eat more of what, or climb higher, or swim faster, or hold their breath longer. 

My grandmother, Ajji, tried all she could to get them to share it, dividing days between them. Then weeks. Then she tried dividing it between them based on the hours in a day. Then tried weather conditions. But they would not listen. Each of the brothers' wanted absolute ownership and rights. This bitter and often loud fight ended when Ajji, got so frustrated that she cut the muffler in half and gave each boy a piece. Both got absolute ownership and rights over half a muffler.

When we fought as kids, we were warned to resolve the fight, else we would be left with nothing of use, like half a muffler.